Articles by: Lucy Jakub
Lucy is co-founder of the Procrastinator and was Editor in Chief 2011-2013. She is currently studying at Columbia University. She is Abigail Jakub's older sister.

A-B Schedule’s Days are Numbered
by / on February 15, 2012 at 2:53 am

A-B Schedule’s Days are Numbered

The plan for next year’s revamped class schedule hasn’t been officially announced, but it’s already got everybody’s knickers in a twist.  It’s been the subject of heated debate through Jordon Soper’s facebook group, GSA Students Against The Schedule Change.  Students are already mourning the loss of their beloved A-B schedule, […]

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The Inexperienced Dancer Attends Semi
by / on February 1, 2012 at 5:35 pm

The Inexperienced Dancer Attends Semi

The Halloween dance is fun.  Prom is fancy.  The Winter Semiformal is neither.  But the inexperienced dancer is ignorant of these facts, and prepares by consulting her available resources (this reporter recommends Wikipedia or the excessive number of photos that last year’s dancers have uploaded to Facebook).  Despite even the […]

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by / on January 13, 2012 at 3:25 am

How to Beat School

Study Hall: the paradox of high school.  In your head, Study Hall is that time when you get all your homework done, study extensively for all your midterms, and then maybe even write down that poem you’ve been thinking about.  When you actually get to Study Hall, however, you stare […]

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by / on December 20, 2011 at 10:38 pm

So What’s With the Rope?

Some suggestions for the next pep rally: first, noisemakers should be provided.  And juice.  Second: the audience should be allowed to dance.  Third: what’s with the rope? From across the gym, the logo on the t-shirts of the girl’s basketball team appears to be an eagle with a candy cane […]

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Ben Eley: Dog Whistler
by / on December 20, 2011 at 8:52 pm

Ben Eley: Dog Whistler

WHAT is that irritating high pitched whistle that sounds like it’s stabbing you in the ear?  It’s Ben Eley’s favorite way of being annoying.  He’s been whistling through his teeth obnoxiously for years, and has perfected the art of driving an entire room of people crazy within milliseconds.  The most ingenious […]

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Sadie What-kins?
by / on December 20, 2011 at 8:28 pm

Sadie What-kins?

The semi-formal flyers taped up around school have been distressing some students and confusing others.  Among those confused are a large portion of the male demographic at GSA, and students have been ignorantly asking, “What’s a Sadie Perkins dance, anyway?” and, upon being informed: “I still don’t get the point.” […]

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MDI Performs Cats
by / on November 16, 2011 at 5:16 pm

MDI Performs Cats

From Issue 5 MDI is currently raising $150,000 to renovate their theater.  Does that make you weep with jealous rage, GSA drama enthusiasts?  Have you seen their MDI Drama website, slicker and more functional than georgestevensacademy.org?  But here’s one for the home team: Anything Goes was better than Cats. Cats […]

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by / on November 16, 2011 at 4:45 pm

Student Council Acknowledges: “Currently, everyone thinks we do nothing.”

Popular opinion is that the Student Council is all fluff; a club that looks good on your transcript.  It recently demonstrated that it does indeed have the power to change things for the student body (seen the cafeteria?  The tables are DIFFERENT) but some of you may still be dubious.  […]

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Meet Mr. Perkinson
by / on July 28, 2011 at 3:29 am

Meet Mr. Perkinson

Unless you haven’t been paying attention at all, our new headmaster’s name is Paul Perkinson and he looks somewhat like the above portrait; maybe you’ve seen him in the halls, maybe he even glared at you for texting during assembly.  He may not be punctual at the bus entrance (somebody’s forgotten to inform him that […]

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Turanski Busted for Parkour on School Roof
by / on June 4, 2011 at 8:14 pm

Turanski Busted for Parkour on School Roof

There’s a difference between the call you get when your mom has dropped off your lunch and the call you get when you have a date with the management.  Alex Turanski got the latter on Monday during biology, and everybody knew it. “Alex Turanski to the office, Alex Turanski, to […]

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