January 18, 2013 at 11:24 am

The Drewth on Sweaterman


I remember the Days of the Hero, or so they were called. Those were the good days. The safe days. Mothers with their babies could leave their homes without fear of being mugged or shot. Pedestrians could conduct their daily business without being run over by rogue motorists in hijacked vehicles. But no longer. No longer can we consider ourselves safe. Innocent citizens huddle in their homes in fetal positions, each day fearing for their lives, wishing with their very last vestiges of hope that they will not be kidnapped or killed, or, as the case usually is, kidnapped and killed. Rival gangs roam the streets, brutally murdering each other in gang wars and gang wergilds. But the worst of them is led by a man so evil he is hardly worthy of being called a man – the V-Neck. He rules the streets in all his bare-chested terror, once kept in check by the purple righteousness of Sweaterman.

Sweaterman’s history began when he was but a wee lad, no social stature or backbone whatsoever – until the incident. It’s an old story, told time and again, of the day the boy was bitten by the radioactive sweater and his DNA fused with the wool. Since then, I suppose he went through the moral works like every superhero does, until he became Sweaterman – or, as he’s also known, the Woven Wanderer. That was a long time ago, and those were happier days. No one knows where he’s gone. I fear for all of our sakes that he has not disappeared for good. Some believe he is off in a far away land called Yarna; or that he’s hung himself up in a closet somewhere; or that he walks among us; or even that he has at last fallen at the hands of his enemies.

The power of the V-Neck is immense, and yet I hope. I hope for my family, for my brothers in arms, and for the return of the Woven Wanderer, for I do not believe he would abandon us so lightly – his friends, his followers. Yes, I believe he will return, and in the mean time, we fight. Beware, V-Neck – the Sweaterman cometh…and that’s the Drewth.

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