October 31, 2012 at 11:17 pm

The Drewth on the Angel of Awkwardness


You’re traveling through another dimension, a dimension not only of sight and sound but of mind; a journey into a wondrous land whose boundaries are that of imagination – next stop, the Awkward Zone.  Imagine yourself standing by the side of the road – a car comes zooming over the crest of a hill in the distance, the sunlight glaring off its windshield.  As it draws nearer, you squint and bend forward slightly to try and catch a glimpse of the mysterious driver, all the time making an effort to appear nonchalant.  The vehicle looms ever closer, it seems to increase speed, the sun off the windshield is blinding! – too late.  It flies by, and only at the last possible moment do you realize the person in the car is a friend waving at you, but before you are able to raise your hand in response, the car is gone.  You have been visited by the Angel of Awkwardness.

He is with you every day.  That moment when you say goodbye to someone and proceed to walk in the same direction they do, or when you go for a high five and the other goes for a fist bump – the Angel of Awkwardness is present.  This is his delight, his livelihood.  He wanders the eternal halls of time and space, desperately stuttering, waving his arms in a futile way, and distorting his face to express himself.  He would almost be a pitiful figure were it not for his sway over all of us, for though we often try to fight his power, we are ultimately overwhelmed by the awkwardness, and the only thing to do is roll with it – or stumble through it, as it were.

Do not try to understand him.  He does not even understand himself; this is why he is awkward.  For, I suppose, the uncertainty of being awkward is rooted in not knowing oneself – otherwise, we would not make such pathetic attempts at presenting ourselves casually.  Take this to heart, friends: being awkward, like death, is a natural part of life, and having a sense of this and accepting it will aid you in developing a healthy social structure around yourselves.  And that’s the Drewth.

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